Prematurity and loss
Prematurity is a deeply emotional and often life-altering experience for parents and families. When a baby is born prematurely—before 37 weeks of pregnancy—there can be a mix of relief, fear, and uncertainty. For some, the journey through prematurity includes the joy of seeing a tiny, fragile life fight to survive, but for others, the pain of loss accompanies the birth of their baby. Premature birth increases the risks of complications, and sadly, some babies do not survive. The combination of prematurity and loss is a difficult and heart-breaking journey, and understanding the emotional, medical, and physical aspects of this experience can provide support for those navigating it.
A baby born prematurely faces several challenges. The earlier a baby is born, the more intense the risks to their health and survival. Babies born at 24 weeks, for instance, may have a 50% chance of survival, but the risks of lifelong complications increase. At 32 weeks, the chances of survival improve, but medical care remains crucial... and it's not just gestation, there are pregnancy complications and health diagnosis' that alter the chance of survival, and how intense of treatment the baby may need.
When a baby is born prematurely, the fear of loss is ever-present. While many premature babies go on to survive and thrive with the right medical care, some babies face unbeatable challenges. In cases of extreme prematurity (before 24 weeks), the chances of survival can be very low. Even if a baby survives, they may face lifelong health challenges or developmental delays.
In some heart-breaking situations, premature babies pass away despite all efforts to save them. This can happen due to complications like brain haemorrhages, organ failure, severe infections, or problems with the placenta that prevent adequate oxygen and nutrients from reaching the baby.
The loss of a premature baby can feel all the more painful because the parents may never have had the chance to fully meet their child or hold them without tubes and wires. This type of loss is not just the death of a child but the loss of dreams, hopes, and the future that parents had envisioned.
The emotional toll of a premature birth and the potential loss of a baby is profound. Parents can feel a range of emotions, many of which can be contradictory and overwhelming.
Shock and disbelief: The suddenness of premature birth can leave parents in a state of shock, especially if the pregnancy had seemed normal until complications arose. The thought of losing their baby may seem impossible to process, and the overwhelming fear for their child’s survival can be exhausting.
Guilt and self-blame: Many parents may question whether there was something they could have done differently to prevent the premature birth or improve the chances of survival. Some may feel guilty if they were unable to carry the pregnancy to full term. However, it’s important to understand that prematurity is rarely anyone’s fault, and much of it is out of the parents’ control.
Grief and sadness: If a baby is lost after a premature birth, the grief can be intense. Parents mourn the loss of their child and the life they imagined for them. This can include mourning milestones that will never be reached, such as the first smile, first steps, and other moments that they had hoped to share.
Isolation and loneliness: It can be difficult for others to understand the depth of pain experienced by parents of premature babies, particularly if the baby’s loss was not immediately apparent. Family and friends may struggle to know what to say or how to offer support, which can leave parents feeling isolated.
Hopelessness or fear about future pregnancies: After the loss of a premature baby, some parents may feel uncertain about the future. The fear of experiencing another loss can be overwhelming, and the thought of trying for another pregnancy may feel daunting.
The physical toll of prematurity and the emotional strain of loss can affect a parent’s health. After giving birth to a premature baby, a mother’s body needs time to heal, even if the baby is not able to survive. For those who experience a stillbirth or the death of a premature baby, physical recovery can involve both the healing of the body and the need to cope with the emotional aftermath.
Physical healing: For mothers who deliver a premature baby, recovery may involve physical complications like infection, heavy bleeding, or complications from a cesarean section. Healing may take time, and there may be an increased risk of complications in future pregnancies.
Grief and recovery: The emotional and psychological recovery can be just as challenging. Parents may experience feelings of sadness, anxiety, or depression as they come to terms with their loss. Counseling and therapy can be helpful in navigating these emotions, and support groups for parents who have experienced pregnancy loss can provide a sense of solidarity and understanding.
Coping with Prematurity and Loss
There is no right way to grieve the loss of a premature baby, but there are steps that can help parents cope and find support:
Seek professional support: Talking to a therapist or counsellor, especially one who specializes in grief or perinatal loss, can provide a safe space to process emotions and work through the pain.
Join a support group: Connecting with other parents who have experienced similar losses can help reduce feelings of isolation. Many hospitals and organizations offer online or in-person support groups. Our Facebook group 'Sunshine and Rain Foundation Support group' is a safe space for all.
Memorialize your baby: Some parents find comfort in creating rituals to honour their baby, such as writing letters, creating a memory box, or planting a tree in their baby’s memory. Memorializing the child can help parents acknowledge the life and love that existed, even if it was brief.
Be gentle with yourself: Grieving is a personal journey, and it’s important to be patient with yourself as you process the loss. Healing doesn’t have a set timeline, and it’s okay to have good days and bad days.
Consider future pregnancies carefully: If and when you decide to try for another pregnancy, it’s important to have open discussions with your healthcare provider. They may suggest monitoring, lifestyle changes, or other interventions to help reduce the risk of another premature birth.
Prematurity and loss are a heartbreaking combination that many parents face. The journey of having a premature baby in the NICU, hoping for survival, and then experiencing the death of a child, is one of the most profound griefs a person can endure. The pain is complex, layered with physical recovery, emotional anguish, and the loss of dreams and hopes for the future.
It’s essential for parents to know that while the pain may never fully go away, healing is possible. Support from family, friends, and professional counselors can help parents through this painful journey, as can connecting with others who understand the unique struggles of prematurity and loss. Taking small steps toward healing, seeking help when needed, and allowing oneself the grace to grieve are vital components of navigating life after such a loss. Through time, support, and love, many parents find a way to carry forward the memory of their baby and honour the brief but significant life they lived.
